I Hate January 29th for the rest of my years...

January 29th 1998 I gave birth to identical twin boys-Alec Chandler and Austin Magnus...sadly Alec was stillborn and Austin was born with severe brain damage as a result...it was supposed to be the greatest day of my life and turned out to be the worst....thus every year it came around trying to be happy for one twin when the other wasn't with us was just as trying on my soul...And now that they have each other-I am here with only memories-which I am truly grateful for but it still sucks...planning on going out to dinner tonight and releasing balloons...I'm sure newly teenage boys would have chosen Hooters for dinner but I have never been there and don't want my first time to be tonight...Can't wait for the day to be over...mommy loves and misses you babies!!